Haro!

Rosmil: Vamos a hacer un baby, ¿quieres venir?

Me: Whatwhatwhat? You’re going to make a baby!? And you want me to come?!!! (exasperated surprise) Or, do you mean you’re going to go with your mom to have a C-section and you’d like me to accompany you?

Rosmil: Yes. Do you want to come?

Me: Ummm, I’m not sure that I’m comfortable with that.

Rosmil: Well, you think about it and let us know. It’s going to be Wednesday at 5:00. And it’s a surprise.

Me: Are you sure she’s okay with this? This is quite a thing to spring on someone.

Rosmil: No, it’s customary here to hacer un baby. We’re going to do it in this house here (as we walk by).

Me: But, isn’t that real dangerous?! That only ever happens in hospitals in the US…

Rosmil: No, no, it’s fine. Let us know if you’re going to come.
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The next day:

Okay, so, Rosmil, does “hacer un baby” mean she’s going to have the baby, or what?

She proceeded to explain in clearer detail that it meant they were having a Baby Shower. I mean, what was I supposed to think? Nevermind it sounding like some baby-making activities. I tried to move beyond that by guessing it meant they’d be getting that baby out, but man was I confused. A LOT gets lost in translation.

So Rosmil is the 17-year-old daughter of my host mom, Doña Sarita, who is going to give birth sometime this month to her second child. She and some ladies from their church threw a really nice baby shower for Sarita and I really loved it. We made blouses out of tissue paper, guessed the width of her stomach by tearing off pieces of toilet paper, and presented gifts one-by-one with some nice words. I said, “Púchica, ¡que emocionante!” This, I knew, would make her laugh since she thinks it’s hilarious that I’ve somewhat acostumbrarme’d to Guatemala and their sayings. It was wonderful, I am so sad I didn’t have my camera with me.
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So I’ve decided to stay with my host family for another year, at least until M&M leave and I can have their little apartment. I’ve grown much more comfortable and finally feel like I’m at home all the way (besides missing all of you). I’ve been eating most of my meals with the host family and we spend a lot of time chatting, laughing, and eating chuchitos and paches (they’re both like tamales in the states… but paches are made with potato instead of cornmeal… what they call tamales here are made with mushy cornmeal and are bigger).

Anyway, I’m feeling like everything is finally starting to be the way I thought it would in the Peace Corps. I’m working (I’m actually working!), usually busy at work these days, feel much more at home around my counterpart and coworkers, and love that when I stop to think about it, I’m where I’ve wanted to be for a long, long time. I’m feeling like family with the Guatemalans I’ve become close to and I speak Spanish! It’s great.

I’ve also been becoming great friends with my fellow PCV’s and am looking forward to the two years we have together. Way too much fun, especially when you all are doing something this crazy together. It makes you feel closer. Plus, they're pretty amazing people.
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So I can’t tell you how much I miss being there with all the things that are changing in all of your lives, how I miss running with Team in Training (it’s a little tough up in these mountains without those excellent people), how I miss just talking to my people daily and sharing with them the latest, how I miss bickering with my mom, going to happy hour with my favorites and drinking what I can only imagine is "hopsoup"…

I miss you all. And I appreciate SO MUCH the letters/packages/emails/facebook posts/thoughts. You are all thought of constantly. I long for the day I can come home and say “hi” in person.
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Happy February! Love you.

2010

I just saw a calf chase a puppy out of his cornfield from my bedroom window. He then pranced his way back over to his brothers and sisters to boast of his glorious feat, but the others were too busy munching down the old stalks to make way for the next crop. I then walked back to work from my lunch break on the cobblestone streets only to sit in my freezing cold, hacienda-style office, planning or conversing or doing whatever the day decided to bring.

It’s my first day back from my month-long vacation from work, but we should hardly call it a vacation. From December 11th until today, January 11th, I don’t know that I really took a break from it all. Aside from the occasional day in bed, I spent a bit of time getting to know my familia anfitriona and other members of the community, as well as celebrating the holidays and eating way too many cookies. I do feel I’ve found home here and am slowly adjusting, but still have twinges of nostalgia for all those things I so know and love about California.

But all is well. For Christmas Eve we had a white elephant gift exchange that was so funny I almost peed laughing. We then received gifts from our Guate family that were made with their very own business’s hand-made leather products – it was so generous and unexpected, and beautiful, too. At midnight, after making the next day’s breakfast casserole and the family returned from midnight mass, we shared their traditional tamales with chicken, raisins, and plums, and hot ponche with slices of apple and coconut and orange in it. I got to give a little thanks on behalf of us volunteers and said as I teared up, “es un deseo de cada de nosotros a tener un lugar donde sentimos a casa aquí en Guatemala, y de veras sentimos a casa aquí con ustedes. Muchísimas gracias por todo que hacen para nosotros, estamos bien agradecidos por su amistad. Les amamos.” (It’s a wish of each of us to feel at home here in Guatemala, and we truly do feel at home here with you. Thank you so very much for everything you’ve done for us, we’re very thankful for your openness. We love you.) I felt every word of what I said and I think they felt it, too. Christmas day we ate entirely too much and then went to the Municipal Salon-turned-Disco at night to dance with Guatemalans who’ve returned from Wyoming and spoke a fair bit of English. They let me know my friends were mean, and I said, I know. I was the only one that would dance with any of them – but only for a short time, as we were getting ready to leave and SLEEP.

Before fully recovering from all that excitement, I went to Lago Atitlan for New Years Eve with a handful of other volunteers. It was paradise. Our hostel that we had to take a boat to get to was right on the lake overlooking a backdrop of volcanoes and, at night, fireworks and lights from all the way around it. Such serene beauty and WARMTH!! Oh it was so gloriously warm compared to my town. I got to steal away one of the nights that we were there to sit on the dock by myself, just staring at the dark silhouette of the volcanoes, listening to the wind in the tree next to the dock, watching the clouds pass lightly over the crystal clear stars, and seeing the occasional fireworks display from across the lake. Lucky, lucky me. Oh, you know, we danced, and sang, and lit sparklers, and played dress up, and made masks… nothing but a great time. Sees called me at 2am NYE to assure that we were staring at the same Blue Moon and all was well in my world. It was good to return home, though, to relax for a whole week before finally coming back to work.

Now it’s to work again, and I do honestly believe that 2010 will be a good year – as cliché as that may be. I’ll be 25 this year; I always thought this would be the best year, and so far it’s looking like it might be just that. I mean, I’m living in Guatemala. In Guatemala. Not home, yet, but beautiful and exciting, holding so much opportunity I can’t even imagine it all.

Because some of you have asked, I’ll be posting a list of items that I regularly wouldn’t mind receiving, or maybe even need that I can’t get here. It’ll be on facebook. If you’re interested but not on facebook, let me know and I’ll mail it to you.

To all of you, I sincerely appreciate you and feel so fortunate for your presence in my life. I hope that you, as well, find that 2010 is as promising as I’m hoping it to be. Love to you all, happy Monday.

Happy Thanksgiving & Other

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. I’m still feeling the repercussions for eating as if my stomach had no bottom… it was almost entirely too painful to move, and even to BREATHE after the feast we had yesterday.

We did it up real good. Bought two live turkeys which the boys and Jose’s familia anfitriona drugged up with whiskey to make more relaxed/the meat more tender, and then killed and de-feathered and all that good (?) stuff. Of course, I did not watch the killing, but did get to pet them while they calmed themselves just prior (sorry veg(an) friends). I guess you know you’re in Peace Corps when this becomes the most cost-effective method of arranging your meal. I did not eat the poor chumpipe, but heard rave reviews of its juicy tenderness. Whiskey, apparently, was the key.

Let’s see. Among the montón de comida we had, there was (made by yours truly) Gran’s stuffing, which will definitely be done better next time but nonetheless fulfilled just the right nostalgic need, cranberry sauce, sweet potato pie, and mom’s pumpkin pie. There was also green bean casserole, mashed potatoes with turnips, candied carrots, asparagus… and sweet rolls. OMG it was so much deliciousness. Like I said, I’m still in pain today. But OH-SO-WORTH IT. We also watched It’s a Wonderful Life afterwards to stay true to Jose’s yearly family tradition. Such a great movie.

I must say, as much as I missed being with my fabulous family this Thanksgiving, I was in a rather grateful mood. There were six of us volunteers at the warm and loving house of a Guatemalan family here, and I couldn’t have felt more at home. We spent two days cooking for this feast, all the while being treated like family, feeling like we were with our real families. The volunteers around become people you just inherently love, since you are all going through this experience in the same manner, and are, in general, really fantastic people. As luck would have it we got acquainted with one of the most open-hearted, open-armed families here and I really feel like the hija they say I am, even though I don’t live with them.
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So, todavía I’m adjusting, poco a poco, to the new life situation I find myself in. I can tell it’s not such smooth sailing because I’m quite out of balance, proof being the week I just had. Monday morning, as I was just starting to jog to the fútbol cancha on the cobblestone streets, I tripped over a stone that jutted out and ate it REAL hard. I skinned the palms of both my hands (which, after putting superglue on yesterday to close them up feel a tiny bit better – but being in the crease of the palm of your hand does not permit quick/easy healing), my right elbow, and my right knee (which is still a tiny bit tweaked). Needless to say, I haven’t run all week, and cooking for two days in a row with bandaids on the palms of my hands was a new and not-so-easily-overcome challenge—thus, the superglue.

Then, Tuesday, as I was using my brand new, cheap blender to make a smoothie, the bottom twisted out and spilled smoothie EVERYWHERE. As if not having a sink in my room to clean up the mess wasn’t challenging enough, I had to also clean up the broken base after it decided to fall off the edge of my table. Thus, no more brand new blender.

Wednesday, before I got to escape into the world of cooking, I had lunch with my counterparts and found myself the only gringo at the table. It’s very nice that they always provide lunch after meetings, or at the very least a snack, but man—if I keep eating like this, I’ll forever have a swollen face! Not appealing. Also, being the only gringo at the table is a bit daunting. Everyone talks in their Guatemalan manner and makes their Guatemalan jokes and I understand less than half of it. So while they all sit there laughing and enjoying their lunch, I get to sit there and eat a little mindless and out of touch with what’s going on around me.

I’ve been reminded by a few of my friends that, no matter how much time you spend here and get comfortable with the people around you, you will still be a foreigner. So, at the very least, I can look forward to understanding what people say and how it is perceived by the others. This will be such a weight off my shoulders when it finally happens.
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Though, despite all this, I still really do like being here. I like that I have been living here for almost four months now and still don’t want to go home. I like that I get to open myself up to what’s happening around me, even if it’s not all that comfortable at times, and I like that I know it’s making me grow a little inside each time I do this. I like that I’ve been able to feel like I have family here, both Guatemalan and American. I like that I no longer wake up feeling like I am not in my own room. I like that I have fresh fruits and vegetables available to me at my every whim and have everything I need to live the lifestyle I want to live. I like that I have so much time to BE with myself and get comfortable with being without so many of those things I’d have found outside of myself in the U.S. I like that I’m aware that time is the key, and I have plenty of it here in Guatemala. I like that, in all this time, I get to spend my moments in the immaculate beauty of this mountain town with the immaculately beautifully-souled individuals that make up its population. I like that, despite being different, I am still greeted with warm hugs and kisses on the cheek to assure me that I really am welcome here.
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So it’s now two days later… I’ve been in bed all day with that nasty, not-well-enough-prepared food sickness/fever of 100.2/etc. It was a really terrible day, actually. But, all’s well that ends well. My host family came in to check on me several times, made me tea to make my nausea go away, made me something to eat, and it was lovely. My site mate brought me Gatorade after work and came back later with his host family to bring me tea and toasted bread. It was lovely. M&M called me to wish me well and, alas, I am better. At the end of a day feeling crappier than I can remember feeling in a LONG time, I am reminded so kindly that I really am welcome here. And I feel loved.
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To all of you back at home, I miss you ever so much and regret that I don’t have the ability to just come stop by to see you. But I’m comforted to know you are there, living real lives and being a part of mine. I love you very much, and thank the powers that be to have had your influence in my making.

Have a beautiful day.

Do you remember when you used to go camping when you were little at the Carson River Valley? And you had to cross rivers in your old 4x4 Jeep Cherokee because it was shallow enough (though rocky) to do that? And do you remember driving down miles of dirt/rocky roads to get to that point in the river where you had to cross? No? Well, I do. Reliving that memory is probably one of the most exciting things that’s happened in site, as of yet. Yesterday I crossed a river in the Director of ADICTA’s old 1994 Toyota Pick-up because the only bridge had its single lane blocked by a semi carrying a bunch of boulders who decided to stop ON THE BRIDGE. We then drove down a couple more miles of bumpety, washed out decomposed granite roads to get to the town where I got to give my first (not-so-successful) charla to the women’s group that processes and dehydrates fruits and vegetables.

So at ADICTA, I am to focus on commercialization of those products and planification of their production. We did a SWOT (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats) workshop so they would be able to come up with these things on their own, as a group – to get them thinking about their group and its future without relying on someone on the outside to come and fix it all for them. The reason I say it was not-so-successful is because I hardly know the women, and had a hard time getting them to feel comfortable taking action. Some of them did step up, but the success of the charla was due largely to the fact that the Director, Don Victor, who is also my counterpart, chimed in with some well-rounded points on how they need to reach towards each other to find these answers, because it’s up to them to form the future success of the group, and no one else.

That’s not to say, though, that things won’t work out with this group of women. In fact, I’m inclined to believe that the more time I spend with them, and the more times I repeat that I’m 24, single, and not planning to get married until I go back home (or probably not even for quite some time thereafter, esp. since, by Guatemalan standards, I’ll be way too viejita at the ripe old age of 26 and it will be difficult to find a husband), they will warm to me and we will be able to contribute a lot to one another’s tables. It’s also great that they all think I will change my mind and get married here in Guate, since that’s precisely what my predecessor/current site mate did. Well, vamos a ver… we’ll just have to see about that. Anyway, I think working with these women who are oh-so-chistosa will be a bright highlight of my time here.
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So I’m adjusting, slowly but surely, to my new little space in the world. I can’t say that it’s easy, though it hasn’t been particularly difficult. I do have a rather nicely finished house to live in with ceramic tile floors and all, and a view that’s (as I’ve mentioned various times) to die for from my bedroom window, and a steaming hot shower… it’s just a rather strange adjustment not having to get up and go ten different places Saturday morning. If I were at home today, I would’ve had to rush out of the house to drive to at least three different places by the end of the day. Instead, I slept a lot, talked about how people are “made of corn” with my host mom, drew ositos (little bears) for them, ate with them, wrote A LOT in my journal, and contemplated why I didn’t go to town with all my fellow volunteers.

I believe this is a great opportunity for me to finally settle down completely into the moments of my days, instead of rushing from one to the next, all day long. I look forward to this comfort I’ll achieve with just simply being with myself.
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On another note, all the time I’ve spent daydreaming doesn’t really contribute to that “living in the moment” philosophy I’d like to master. It does, however, present many opportunities to fantasize about the grandiose things I’m GOING to do in the future… like live and work in Europe, or travel all over the world and do Graduate research, or just research in general, amongst the places I visit. Ahh, le sigh; for another time.

I would like to replace this daydreaming with reading or writing letters… so if you’d like a letter from me, please email me your address and I’ll be sure to get on that. For those of you that’ve emailed me I’m working on those responses right now.
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With much love and gratitude for you all (without whom it would be mighty difficult to feel at home, anywhere), Happy New Week.

:)

Today I washed my clothes by hand for the very first time. I don’t know that I did such a good job in my two-and-a-half hour stint, but I did it. We shall judge the results when my clothes finally dry probably two or three days from now.

I stood at the pila on the roof underneath the little awning of lamina rubbing my hands raw with detergent, looking amongst the mountainous glory lined with silver-lined clouds and sun, listening to the pitter-patter of light rain on that lamina awning, and gasping at the splendor of a perfectly glistening rainbow seemingly just a football field away. This rainbow, with its start shooting out the depths of the ravine and end going over the other side of the mountain, was the most beautifully brilliant I’ve ever seen. Then, as I turned to gather the surrounding view, I saw the volcano I now live in the vicinity of and, again, had my breath taken away.

Is life really hard? I don’t think so. I see beautiful things daily that make it worthwhile to stop and appreciate all those things that there are to appreciate in this world. I may be sick now and then, lose my voice because of it, rub my hands raw with detergent, cook and sleep both in one room, sleep with numb toes, and be thoroughly challenged by ever-new surroundings, but I still have those beautiful things to bring me back to that knowledge that life really is, well, beautiful.
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The holidays are coming and I heard my first Christmas song (in Spanish) on the radio Friday morning. My initial reaction, being reminded that I am without those I most love this holiday season, was “BAH!” (Plus, it’s only the beginning of November) But, that same evening, as I began to bake with my sitemate for a potluck we were going to on Saturday, I couldn’t help but let him drag me into the spirit of it. We put on Christmas music (I know, bah – but we do what we can to make ourselves feel at home here) and made REALLY YUMMY oatmeal/craisin cookies AND orange vegan cake with fresh-, home-squeezed orange juice and strawberry jelly/powdered sugar icing. They were both a hit (yes, even the vegan cake – a few people even requested the recipe).

This afternoon, after washing my clothes, the sitemates all got together at M&M’s house for dinner. M&M made us some amazing quiche, and I made No Bakes. Have you ever had them? If you have, you’d know how INCREDIBLE they taste. It was fabulous. We also watched When Harry Met Sally (yes, again – it never gets old to me) and, once again, it put me in a state of bliss.
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Enjoy your day, I love you.

A little bit of each of my days...

It seems I am floating at the top of my dreams. I sat at the table last night with my family here last night trying to explain how strange it feels to be doing what I’ve been dreaming about for two years now. Can you imagine? I can’t. I just have to live it. I don’t even know what to say anymore, except that it feels incredible to be soaring into the future I’ve been waiting for. Does that paint a picture clear enough?
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So this morning I’d like to say a few words regarding the camionetas, or “chicken buses”. They are called “chicken buses” because occasionally you’ll hear a bunch of peeping coming from a basket, and every once in awhile you’ll actually see a chicken, or two turkeys tied down into another basket. It’s worth mentioning that you’re never at a loss for a seat, even when there are none. These second-hand school buses have long enough seats to fit three, even when the third is one cheek on, one cheek off in the aisle. No matter, the third person in the other seat serves to hold you upright as you squish together.

This morning, I had the most mentionable of bus rides. It was totally full, except not too full to keep cramming people on. It’s NEVER too full to keep cramming people on. Tricia and I got shoved all the way to the back, and she was lucky enough to get one of those third-spot seats, while I got to stand right between two seats, holding the people on the edges (including Tricia) up with my hips. As people tried to shove past so they could bajar, I hit Tricia right between the eyes with my FULL Nalgene bottle. We’re waiting for the black eye to pop up. Later on, as I enjoyed the tight fit of people pressing up against me, I tried to adjust my arms (which were holding onto the railing in the ceiling for dear life) and elbowed Tricia on the top of the head.

You can imagine how entertaining it was. Tricia may not be too excited, but I think she’s a good sport. We laughed. A lot.
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Just a little bit of my day here in Guate. Have a good one, loved ones.

So, it’s been awhile since I’ve written you. Fíjese que I’ve been pretty busy lately. There has been quite a stir of emotions. Through it all, I haven’t lost my conviction that this is definitely what I want to be doing with my life right now. Our time as trainees is quickly winding away and we are all pretty ready to get going with our lives—especially since we’ve gotten a taste of just how our lives will be these next two years, starting October 31st.

A word on my site…

You would never imagine the greatness of what I get to look at every day. Hills, mountains, valleys, trees, crisp, cool air, and the best part: my office. It’s an old hacienda-style house with a courtyard out back that’s as rustically quaint as you could ever imagine. I get to go there every day. And when I don’t stay at the office all day, I’m traveling through the mountains and valleys and over the rivers into the surrounding aldeas where I get to breath it all in up close. All the belleza and glory…

If you couldn’t guess, I’m happy.

I’ll be working at an organization that’s organized itself for the organizational purposes of the community’s wellbeing. :) I’ll primarily be working with a women’s group that processes and dehydrates fruits and vegetables, and sometimes honey to sell to various markets. It will partly be my job to help them search for other commercialization channels, as well as establish that they’ve taken into account all of their costs in a cost-of-production workshop (taller) and capacitation series, and make a production and commercialization plan for the future. I’ve got my work cut out for me, but am way excited to tackle this.

Today we had our last and final feedback session and, again, I got: “Your happiness, amazing flexibility, and hard work has made it very easy for us to find a great place for you and proves to us that you will be one of the excellently successful volunteers.”

So at my site, there is another volunteer going into his third year who recently married an awesome Guatemalan girl, and they have baby bunnies that like to run around and slide on their tile floors. They’re super nice and I’m fortunate to have the next year living around them. I also have a site mate from my same training class that is fabulous to have nearby. We live about a two+ hour walk away from another three volunteers, one of which is also from my training class. My site mate and I took the walk on Saturday to the others’ town and, though long (~6 miles over hills in high altitude), it was so worth the beautiful view and air and river and all that sweet stuff. We’re planning to switch Saturdays doing the walk and have brunch ready for whoever makes the trip.

I’m pretty excited for the crowd I get to spend my time with, the place I get to work, the people I work with and the community I will be living in for the next two years. I’m pretty excited that I still feel like I perfectly belong just right where I am and that I’m continuing to live this dream. I’m pretty excited that the next two years will assuredly be so fulfilling and will teach me so much more than most things I could be doing in the States right now.
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OH!! I almost forgot to talk about my trip to Pacaya. We hiked to the crater of an active volcano and saw RUNNING LAVA. SUPER hot, super exciting. It sounds like crackling glass as it flows. We roasted marshmallows and made smores over the heat of it. Wish I could say more about it, but words escape me. Enjoy the photos on facebook... the uploader isn't working for this blog right now.

I'm sitting here listening to the Help album, courtesy of my dad, and couldn’t be happier. I have yet to cease being amazed and graciously reminded that I have so much love in my life. Sorry to those of you who may get sick of hearing this, but it’s what keeps me going here. And I feel lucky to be so ever-aware and reminded of it.

Send me some “you” music and I’ll sit here listening to it, thinking of you the whole time. But don’t send it until I get my new address in two weeks. If you do, it may be months before I get it.

My love goes to each of you every day.

Loverpants, you are amazing. Don’t you forget it.