Tuesday, May 31, 2011

:)

So life is happening. In a beautiful way. I just came home from the día novena service of the “novenario” to guide our beloved García family’s abuelo through purgatory to the afterlife. I’ve spent several of the last nine days with the family, the extended family, and in the presence of Don Lorenzo Cándido García Gamboa’s spirit and feel so connected with life and love that it makes me feel at home. Although it may have been the death that brought life to me, I am thankful for having had the experience with this, my second family. Tonight most of the women present got on their knees for an hour, including some that were likely around 70 years of age, to pray and sing in guidance of Don Lorenzo’s soul. It was beautiful to sit and listen/watch… there was a calm in the room, not only for the actions taking place, but for being able to share in such a traditional, cultural experience and feel like I was with my family. Afterwards, the abuela began to really grieve. She cried, and you could hear her heart so strongly that you felt it was your own heart crying out for the whole part of you that has just left you. As somber as the moment was, I felt grateful to be in the presence of her grief. It was real and human and, most importantly, love in its most perfect form. Not only did she share her grief, she failed not to share her love with the strange gringa that had been coming into her home. I felt so welcomed and loved and loving, it was one of my better moments here. This family will forever be a part of me. I truly love them.

Well, as I said, life is happening. And it HAS been happening quite tumultuously for the past several months. Many changes have been occurring in my life so rapidly that they have really thrown me every which way I never knew was possible. I’ve cried harder than I have in awhile (and that’s saying A LOT in the Peace Corps) and been happier than I have in awhile.

I had the most excellent 26th birthday, I will never forget it. I had a party with my favorite people all weekend long and just didn’t stop enjoying myself until the hangover Sunday morning. The ones I love most really stepped forward and selflessly made it such an “exactly-what-Amanda-would’ve-wanted” kind of birthday. What more could I ask for? There are no words to describe how I will miss having them so close to me. I felt as if this year was finally going to be the year where things come together. And it certainly has not let me down thus far.

My sitemate, Joe, has been in the states since about a month ago and that was hard for me. We are still unsure whether or not he will be coming back, and the turmoil of the situation really put me under. I wasn’t sure how to process my emotions – we had been here TOGETHER since the beginning and gone through all the trials of becoming family with one another, and, he has just always BEEN here. Well now he’s not. And life has been quite different. I miss him. It felt good, though, to cry that hard… it was a relief for so many things that had been on my shoulders. And ever since then, things have really started to come clear to me. It was like it released all of the walls and fear and doubt that have been blocking me from getting to where I really want. I feel more aware and capable now than ever before of life and seeing the reality behind it, behind what I make it. Words do no justice to how I feel.

Work has been going great, life has been going great, and I finally feel like I get it all. I have only four months left and as ECSTATIC as I am to be going home, getting a job, a car, taking classes, and BEING WITH MY FAMILY AGAIN, I am happy to feel fulfilled in my work, life, and love for the next few months. It is only a matter of time and right now, time feels like a whirlwind. YAY!

Much love to you all, if only you could be with me and my heart right now. Soon, though. Soon.